How to Cope With Change and Adversity: Science-Backed Strategies for Building Resilience
Facing Change or Adversity? You’re Not Alone.
I’ll be honest—this topic isn’t just professional for me right now; it’s personal. I know firsthand how overwhelming it can feel when your world changes suddenly and I’m feeling worry, sadness, and questions about what comes next. What used to be just ideas I shared with others is now a real challenge I'm facing every day.
That's why I feel it's the right time to talk about practical ways to handle change, build resilience, and stay neutral with things are at their most uncertain.
If you're struggling to deal with change or get through adversity—maybe a job change, family issues, health problems, or just the stress of a busy life—you're not alone. These are challenges many people face, and there are proven strategies to navigating them that really work.
What You’ll Learn
In this article, I’ll share:
Why change and adversity are so hard on our brains and mental health
The hidden dangers of “toxic positivity” and why you don’t need to force optimism
How science-backed coping strategies like neutral thinking and self-leadership build true resilience
A simple, actionable plan you can use anytime life turns upside down
This isn’t just theory. These tools are grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and my own experience as both a coach and someone who is dealing with change right now.
Why Change and Adversity Are So Hard
The Science Behind Why We Struggle
Humans are biologically wired for safety and predictability. Our brains have evolved to keep us alive, not comfortable. When faced with uncertainty—like sudden change or adversity—our nervous system sounds the alarm.
The Threat Response: When things change unexpectedly, the amygdala (our brain’s fear center) kicks in, triggering the fight/flight/freeze response. Stress hormones flood our bodies, sharpening focus but reducing our capacity for reflection, creative problem-solving, and empathy.
Disrupted Identity: Big changes often shake up our identity and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what’s possible, and how life “should” be. This loss of narrative stability can leave us feeling lost, anxious, or unmoored.
Loss of Control: Research shows that perceived control is one of the biggest predictors of resilience. In adversity, we often feel powerless, which intensifies distress and can lead to helplessness or even depression.
You’re not wrong or weak if you find change hard. Your brain and body are doing what they were designed to do—protect you. Recognizing this can be the first step toward self-compassion.
The Truth About Toxic Positivity and Mental Health
Why Forced Positivity Isn’t the Answer
We live in a culture obsessed with optimism. You’ve probably heard, “Everything happens for a reason,” or, “Just look on the bright side!” This is known as toxic positivity: the belief that we must maintain a positive mindset at all times, even in the face of hardship.
But science tells a different story:
Emotional Suppression Worsens Stress: Studies show that pushing away or denying negative feelings increases physiological stress, makes emotions last longer, and can even harm physical health.
Affect Labeling Reduces Emotional Intensity: Research from UCLA demonstrates that simply naming what we’re feeling—“I’m anxious,” “I’m sad”—activates the brain’s regulatory centers and soothes the amygdala.
Authenticity Drives Resilience: Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability shows that resilience isn’t about putting on a brave face, but about being honest with our emotions and asking for support.
The Catch with “Stay Positive” Quotes
Take the familiar quote:
“The single greatest skill you can develop is being in a great mood when you don’t have a single thing to be in a great mood about.”
While well-intentioned, this sets up an impossible standard—implying that struggling is a failure of willpower. It encourages us to mask pain instead of address it, often leading to self-blame or shame.
Suppressing your real emotions doesn’t make you stronger—it makes it harder to heal and adapt. Permission to feel is step one in any real transformation.
How Neutral Thinking Helps You Cope With Change
What Is Neutral Thinking?
If forced positivity doesn’t work, what’s the alternative? This is where the late mental conditioning coach Trevor Moawad’s concept of neutral thinking comes in.
Neutral Thinking Defined: Neutral thinking is about seeing things as they actually are—not better, not worse. It’s not optimism or pessimism; it’s accuracy and presence.
Focus on Facts, Not Judgments: Rather than catastrophizing (“This is the worst thing ever!”) or sugarcoating (“It’ll all work out perfectly!”), you focus on what is true right now. “I lost my job. I feel scared. Here are three things I can do next.”
Action over Emotion: Neutral thinkers focus on the next actionable step, not on how they “should” feel or what the outcome “should” be.
Why Neutral Thinking Works—The Science
Regulates Emotional Reactivity: By staying factual and present, you avoid escalating anxiety and are less likely to get stuck in rumination.
Restores Agency: When you focus on what you can control (however small), you start to regain a sense of agency, which is foundational for resilience and mental health.
Improves Performance Under Pressure: Athletes, leaders, and first responders use neutral thinking to stay focused and effective during chaos—not by denying stress, but by accepting it and acting anyway.
Instead of saying, “I must stay positive,” say, “This is hard. I don’t know how it will turn out. What is one thing I can do right now?”
What Is Resilience—And Why Does It Matter?
Resilience is the ability to withstand, adapt to, and recover from stress, setbacks, and adversity. It’s not about never feeling pain, fear, or uncertainty. Instead, resilience is your capacity to keep going, learn, and grow—even when life gets hard.
Science shows resilience isn’t a fixed trait—anyone can build it.
Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that anyone can develop and strengthen over time.
Key aspects of resilience include:
Emotional Awareness: Being able to identify and express what you feel, which makes it easier to process and move through difficult emotions.
Cognitive Flexibility: The ability to see multiple perspectives, find meaning, and reframe challenges without falling into denial or despair.
Connection and Support: Resilient people reach out for support and don’t try to “go it alone.” Strong relationships buffer the impact of stress.
Taking Action: Instead of freezing, resilient individuals look for even small steps forward, which restores a sense of control and progress.
Self-Compassion: Treating yourself with kindness and patience during hard times increases resilience and supports long-term mental health.
Resilience doesn’t mean you always bounce back quickly or land on your feet smiling. It means you stay in the process, adapt, and allow yourself to heal and learn at your own pace. It’s about progress, not perfection.
Adversity Is a Chance for Personal Growth: Take Yourself On
Simon Sinek says the most important kind of leadership is self-leadership—the courage to “take yourself on.” This means being willing to look honestly at your own thoughts, behaviors, and responses during times of change or adversity, rather than waiting for the world or others to change first.
What Does “Taking Yourself On” Really Mean?
At its core, taking yourself on is about radical self-honesty and personal responsibility—not as self-blame, but as self-awareness and empowerment. When things go sideways, most of us instinctively look outward for answers, comfort, or someone to blame. But personal growth always starts by looking inward and asking, “What’s happening in me? How am I meeting this moment?”
Taking yourself on means:
Noticing your automatic reactions: Do you retreat, get angry, numb out, or blame?
Examining your stories: What are you telling yourself about this situation—about what it means, about your worth, or about your future?
Owning your role: Even when circumstances are out of your control, you get to choose your response, your mindset, and your next step.
How Do You “Take Yourself On” in Practice?
Pause for Honest Reflection
When adversity hits, take a moment (or several) to honestly ask yourself:What am I feeling right now?
What thoughts keep looping in my mind?
Am I reacting from old habits or assumptions?
Name Your Narrative
Try to write down or say aloud the story you’re telling yourself about the change.
For example: “Because I lost my job, I’m a failure.”
Now, challenge that story: Is it absolutely true? What evidence do you have for and against it?Identify What’s In Your Control
List what you can influence (your self-talk, daily habits, reaching out for support) versus what’s beyond your control (other people’s actions, the economy, the past). Focusing on your “circle of control” builds agency and calms anxiety.Ask Empowering Questions
Shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to:What can I learn from how I’m responding?
What’s one thing I can do to support myself today?
Who can I ask for help or perspective?
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about patience and care. Remind yourself: “This is difficult, and I’m allowed to feel what I feel. I’m also capable of making small, healthy choices.”
Why This Matters
“Taking yourself on” transforms adversity from something that just happens to you into an opportunity for inner growth and change. You begin to see yourself as an active participant in your story, not just a passive recipient of circumstances.
It doesn’t mean you can control everything. It means you have a say in how you show up, how you interpret challenges, and how you move forward—even if the progress is slow or imperfect.
This is self-leadership in action:
It’s not waiting for life to get easier, but getting stronger, wiser, and more compassionate with yourself, right in the middle of the storm.
Change and adversity are tough and you probably won’t “find the good” right away. You don’t have to fake a smile or force a great mood. But by practicing neutral thinking, acknowledging your feelings, and taking yourself on, you can start building the inner strength to face whatever comes next.
Reach out if you need support.
Jay